Why is it so hard to be honest about what I want? Communication is pointless without honesty, and if it's too hard for me to say, then I'm gonna have to write it down. And if I want something specific from my partner, I gotta figure out a way to tell him. Lucky for him, I'm quite simple.
All I ask, is that my partner is nice to me. Don't insult me. Don't try to make me feel bad for things I don't feel bad about. Don't leave passive-aggressive messes around the house for me to clean up. Clean your own shit out of the toilet. Clean up after yourself. Do your own laundry. Buy and make your own food if you don't like what I make, I am not a restaurant.
Respect my schedule. For 2 weeks out of the month I will be very horny and I will need attention. I will do anything you ask of me- except anal- as long as I get my oral-fuck-oral-fuck thing that I like before you finish.
The other 2 weeks of the month, I barely even think about sex, so you have to tell me when you need it. You can bend me over pretty much anytime to meet your daily needs, as long as you leave me alone for the other 23 1/2 hours of the day, because those 2 weeks are for cleaning the house, socializing and my creative endeavors. Of course if I had a partner who liked socializing or helping me with my projects, the "leave me alone" rule would scarcely apply.
Ideally, my partner would actually like me, respect me, know who I am and understand where I'm going. I should be with someone who enjoys weed and wine and can take a joke. Someone with as much confidence and capability as I have. Someone who sees the big picture, someone at least as worldly as I am. Someone who has been homeless like me, someone who has seen the worst of people, like me. Someone who understands the real world because they've lived in it. Someone with a depression-era attitude like me, someone who isn't a spoiled little bitch who thinks repairs are beneath them and needs everything to be brand new all the time. That is so wasteful and selfish! Life is too short for this bullshit!
Dark Cottagecore Diaries
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
Sunday, October 25, 2015
I'm Dreaming Of A Green Future by Ling Carsby
I want to make the world a better place, sure, but I haven't come up with any practical solutions. I have been reading a ton of other people's ideas, though.
1. the venus project
suggestions for a resourced-based economy, house designs for energy efficiency
I read and watched everything on this. Cool guy, cool ideas.
2. the zeitgeist movement
same thing
I watched the movies too, and I thought they were half inspiring and truthful, half over-the-top impractical. Not that there's anything wrong with the ideas though.
3. the wise sloth
eco-cities, floating islands, communal living ideas
This guy wants to build an intellectual monastery, an idea that I love so much I wanna get tweaky with it. And I'm pretty good at tweaking, so.
4. earth ships
self contained, off the grid housing designs
holy fuck, an earth ship on a floating island- first choice if I didn't have kids. Maybe when we grow up.
I think maybe combining the earth ship idea with the monastery idea would be easier to sell people on. It would be like an intellectual trailer park rather than an intellectual hotel. This is way less eco, I realize. And more work in the winter, too. But some people can't share space, so. I'd buy tiny houses for each of my kids if I could.
I could sell my place, buy some land and have one earth ship built. But honestly, if I could lobby enough like-minded green future sailors, we could all pitch in and raise enough money to build an earth ship intellectual monastery. We just can't call it that, we'll call it something else, something that doesn't scare people into thinking they have to shave their heads. People hear connotations instead of words. So we'll have to call it the Pot Farm or something, to attract the right kind of people ;)
"may your days be airy and clean, and may all your futures be green"- Ling Carsby
1. the venus project
suggestions for a resourced-based economy, house designs for energy efficiency
I read and watched everything on this. Cool guy, cool ideas.
2. the zeitgeist movement
same thing
I watched the movies too, and I thought they were half inspiring and truthful, half over-the-top impractical. Not that there's anything wrong with the ideas though.
3. the wise sloth
eco-cities, floating islands, communal living ideas
This guy wants to build an intellectual monastery, an idea that I love so much I wanna get tweaky with it. And I'm pretty good at tweaking, so.
4. earth ships
self contained, off the grid housing designs
holy fuck, an earth ship on a floating island- first choice if I didn't have kids. Maybe when we grow up.
I think maybe combining the earth ship idea with the monastery idea would be easier to sell people on. It would be like an intellectual trailer park rather than an intellectual hotel. This is way less eco, I realize. And more work in the winter, too. But some people can't share space, so. I'd buy tiny houses for each of my kids if I could.
I could sell my place, buy some land and have one earth ship built. But honestly, if I could lobby enough like-minded green future sailors, we could all pitch in and raise enough money to build an earth ship intellectual monastery. We just can't call it that, we'll call it something else, something that doesn't scare people into thinking they have to shave their heads. People hear connotations instead of words. So we'll have to call it the Pot Farm or something, to attract the right kind of people ;)
"may your days be airy and clean, and may all your futures be green"- Ling Carsby
Thursday, October 22, 2015
Your Behavior Speaks A Thousand Words
Whatever it is that you are- for better or for worse- is more obvious than you realize! Everything you say and do can be traced back to your core beliefs, revealing them to the world, whether you like it or not.
For example:
I pulled hair out of the shower drain, while I was showering, and left it on the edge of the tub. I was gonna throw it in the trash but I forgot. My roommate complained "I hate it when you do that it is so fucking disgusting it grosses me out". While a wet and slimy clump of hair on the edge of the tub does look gross, I have seen- and touched- much worse. So while this asshole is complaining, his scope is showing. Meaning, the scope of his experience. By comparison, a doctor wouldn't bitch about something like this because a doctor has seen much, much worse gross. Like a parent. Or anyone who isn't a spoiled little bitch. Of course, a better person would've ignored it, joked about it, or just thrown it out.
Ya know those people who try to make other people look and feel stupid? They are revealing their own insecurity about their own intelligence.
Ya know those people who talk nice to you but insult you at the same time? They're jealous of you.
Ya know those people who speak one philosophy but live another? They're seriously pissing me off.
Patience waning, snap waxing. Clock ticking...
For example:
I pulled hair out of the shower drain, while I was showering, and left it on the edge of the tub. I was gonna throw it in the trash but I forgot. My roommate complained "I hate it when you do that it is so fucking disgusting it grosses me out". While a wet and slimy clump of hair on the edge of the tub does look gross, I have seen- and touched- much worse. So while this asshole is complaining, his scope is showing. Meaning, the scope of his experience. By comparison, a doctor wouldn't bitch about something like this because a doctor has seen much, much worse gross. Like a parent. Or anyone who isn't a spoiled little bitch. Of course, a better person would've ignored it, joked about it, or just thrown it out.
Ya know those people who try to make other people look and feel stupid? They are revealing their own insecurity about their own intelligence.
Ya know those people who talk nice to you but insult you at the same time? They're jealous of you.
Ya know those people who speak one philosophy but live another? They're seriously pissing me off.
Patience waning, snap waxing. Clock ticking...
Saturday, October 17, 2015
Why 50 Shades Is Appealing To Women
*Update: because I finally watched the fucking movie.
They have "first time" sex once, then all he wants to do is tie her up, go down on her and then fuck her. She doesn't ever blow him, he won't even let her touch him.
Wait, so you wanna tie me up and I'll just lay here while you do all the work? Can I get that in writing?
No wonder 50 Shades is appealing to women!
Only scroll down if you need instructions on decoding women using their menstrual cycle, or if you enjoy my drunken TMI rants.
old blog:
I haven't read or seen 50 Shades of Black&Blue-I mean-Grey. Only the trailer and a youtube video called "everything wrong" with it. It seems the gist of it is that the guy is Dominant and the girl is Submissive.
A popular opinion is that women secretly want to be controlled and the popularity of this movie proves it. Women fear that this opinion translates to a justification of rape, because they don't want to be raped. Controlled is up for discussion. See the difference? Please see the difference.
Gay people talk about tops and bottoms all the time, but most straight people don't. I realized in my 30's that I am a bottom, and I wish I had been able to articulate that at a much younger age. Take away: know yourself, articulate, cut your losses, get what you need, before it's too late.
I think the appeal of 50 shades is the written contract, to be honest. And the kink... being served up in a seemingly caring and protective hostage-like situation. Intriguing...
Now I need to articulate something else that will help males interact with females, and females interact with themselves.
Women are on a menstrual cycle. So, when she's on her period, that's week one. Shark Week. That's the calm after the storm.
Week 2, she's got more energy and is probably a bit horny.
Week 3, even more energy and wicked fucking horny.
Week 4, PMS, very emotional, crying for seemingly no reason- leave her alone all week (this week for me, FYI)
That's it. That's the key to every menstruating female in the world. Please follow it exactly god dammit!
Saturday, October 10, 2015
I'm Disabled And You're Jealous?
Our economy is SO bad.... (how bad is it?)
It's SO bad that people are jealous of me for becoming disabled. They say I'm lucky. Because now I don't have to work. I get to stay home.
Lucky for you, I'm too disabled to kick your ass.
Lucky for me, I can show you how stupid you are with words.
It occurs to me that the average person works 2 or 3 jobs and still struggles to make ends meet. I get that, I understand why you think I have it made. I also understand that you don't eat well, don't sleep enough and therefore you can't think straight.
Wanna be disabled? Let me explain how awesome it really is.
First, PAIN. DOCTORS. PAIN. SURGERY. MORE PAIN. MORE DOCTORS. MESSY HOUSE. SCARED CHILDREN. NO MONEY. NO FREEDOM. NO ENERGY. NO HOPE. AND NOBODY BELIEVES YOU.
Next, PAIN, COUNSELORS, PAIN, SOCIAL WORKERS, LAWYERS, JUDGES WHO DON'T THINK YOUR DOCTORS ARE GOOD ENOUGH, SENDS YOU TO ONE OF THEIR CHOOSING, SO MORE DOCTORS, MORE PAIN, MORE PROOF, AND STILL NOBODY BELIEVES YOU.
Then, ANOTHER SURGERY, MORE PAIN, SCARED CHILDREN, MESSY HOUSE, MORE SERVICES REQUIRING MORE PROOF AND MORE DIFFERENT DOCTORS, LAWYERS, COURT, JUDGES WHO DON'T BELIEVE YOU
When I finally proved that I'm really, truly, honest to god disabled by 5 different doctors,
Then, THE JUDGE SEEKS VOCATIONAL REHABILITATION SPECIALIST CONSULT, JUST TO MAKE EXTRA GODDAMNED SURE THERE ISN'T A JOB, SOMEWHERE, THAT I COULD DO, SOMEHOW, DAMMIT THERE MUST BE SOMETHING SHE CAN DO REGARDLESS OF HER CONSTANT PAIN AND TERMINALLY BROKEN BODY....
But of course, the voc rehab guy was like "nope, she is really too disabled to employ and we could not expect any employer to accommodate a disability such as hers"
NO SHIT! THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.
Next, THE JUDGE GETS TO NEGOTIATE MY DATE OF INJURY IN ORDER TO SHORTEN THE LENGTH OF MY DISABILITY AND GIVE ME LESS MONEY. Because that's the American way.
But in the end, I jumped through all the hoops and was awarded with SSDI. I was reviewed the following year, and will be reviewed every 12-18 months. So I will be jumping through hoops for the rest of my life, until I get rich and famous, or until we lose the program altogether.
The amount I get was determined by my work history. So if you worked hard your whole life and become disabled, your ssdi payment will be the average of what you earned in your lifetime. So, I'm lucky that I became disabled after working my ass off for 20 years at good jobs that paid well.
And everyone is jealous, because they get to go out into the world, choose what jobs to take or not to take, negotiate salaries, ask for raises, decide which co-workers to date or not date, set up a 401K and bring it with you to your next job, or maybe quit your job and go back to school or move to another state or another country.
My only hope is to try to build some sort of career for myself online, because I refuse to accept the notion of NOT being rich and famous someday! I can still write, dammit!
:(
It's SO bad that people are jealous of me for becoming disabled. They say I'm lucky. Because now I don't have to work. I get to stay home.
Lucky for you, I'm too disabled to kick your ass.
Lucky for me, I can show you how stupid you are with words.
It occurs to me that the average person works 2 or 3 jobs and still struggles to make ends meet. I get that, I understand why you think I have it made. I also understand that you don't eat well, don't sleep enough and therefore you can't think straight.
Wanna be disabled? Let me explain how awesome it really is.
First, PAIN. DOCTORS. PAIN. SURGERY. MORE PAIN. MORE DOCTORS. MESSY HOUSE. SCARED CHILDREN. NO MONEY. NO FREEDOM. NO ENERGY. NO HOPE. AND NOBODY BELIEVES YOU.
Next, PAIN, COUNSELORS, PAIN, SOCIAL WORKERS, LAWYERS, JUDGES WHO DON'T THINK YOUR DOCTORS ARE GOOD ENOUGH, SENDS YOU TO ONE OF THEIR CHOOSING, SO MORE DOCTORS, MORE PAIN, MORE PROOF, AND STILL NOBODY BELIEVES YOU.
Then, ANOTHER SURGERY, MORE PAIN, SCARED CHILDREN, MESSY HOUSE, MORE SERVICES REQUIRING MORE PROOF AND MORE DIFFERENT DOCTORS, LAWYERS, COURT, JUDGES WHO DON'T BELIEVE YOU
When I finally proved that I'm really, truly, honest to god disabled by 5 different doctors,
Then, THE JUDGE SEEKS VOCATIONAL REHABILITATION SPECIALIST CONSULT, JUST TO MAKE EXTRA GODDAMNED SURE THERE ISN'T A JOB, SOMEWHERE, THAT I COULD DO, SOMEHOW, DAMMIT THERE MUST BE SOMETHING SHE CAN DO REGARDLESS OF HER CONSTANT PAIN AND TERMINALLY BROKEN BODY....
But of course, the voc rehab guy was like "nope, she is really too disabled to employ and we could not expect any employer to accommodate a disability such as hers"
NO SHIT! THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.
Next, THE JUDGE GETS TO NEGOTIATE MY DATE OF INJURY IN ORDER TO SHORTEN THE LENGTH OF MY DISABILITY AND GIVE ME LESS MONEY. Because that's the American way.
But in the end, I jumped through all the hoops and was awarded with SSDI. I was reviewed the following year, and will be reviewed every 12-18 months. So I will be jumping through hoops for the rest of my life, until I get rich and famous, or until we lose the program altogether.
The amount I get was determined by my work history. So if you worked hard your whole life and become disabled, your ssdi payment will be the average of what you earned in your lifetime. So, I'm lucky that I became disabled after working my ass off for 20 years at good jobs that paid well.
And everyone is jealous, because they get to go out into the world, choose what jobs to take or not to take, negotiate salaries, ask for raises, decide which co-workers to date or not date, set up a 401K and bring it with you to your next job, or maybe quit your job and go back to school or move to another state or another country.
My only hope is to try to build some sort of career for myself online, because I refuse to accept the notion of NOT being rich and famous someday! I can still write, dammit!
:(
Wednesday, October 7, 2015
When Mom's Not Happy, Nobody's Happy
When I'm happy, my kids are happy. And I'm not happy.
I'm an average American mom, so my number one priority is to make it seem like my kids are happy, skinny geniuses. But the economy is so bad that I can no longer afford to bribe them.
It's also important to seem like I'm sober, so I need to look hot, dress with style and keep the house sparkling clean. Easy. I just don't fucking bother.
My kids tell me I'm way funnier when I'm happy, so wtf is the problem? I tell them, being a mother gets in the way of being my natural self, which by now could have been a rich and famous person. I also tell them it's not their fault, it's mine, and they're like, duh, we know. Of course they know that, they are geniuses.
They even do half-assed chores sometimes, just to show they care.
I'm an average American mom, so my number one priority is to make it seem like my kids are happy, skinny geniuses. But the economy is so bad that I can no longer afford to bribe them.
It's also important to seem like I'm sober, so I need to look hot, dress with style and keep the house sparkling clean. Easy. I just don't fucking bother.
My kids tell me I'm way funnier when I'm happy, so wtf is the problem? I tell them, being a mother gets in the way of being my natural self, which by now could have been a rich and famous person. I also tell them it's not their fault, it's mine, and they're like, duh, we know. Of course they know that, they are geniuses.
They even do half-assed chores sometimes, just to show they care.
Sunday, October 4, 2015
Saturday, October 3, 2015
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