Art and Foreign Policy While Picking Up Toys

Toot Toot, bitchez

Thomas & Friends, if you don't already know, is a British children's show about talking trains, whose boss looks like a fat Will Arnett, 


 




and whose theme song features the kids from Another Brick In The Wall,  

"Tho Mas And His Frieeeeeends!"

Anyway, my son loves it.  And it's bedtime, so I'm picking up trains and dumping them into the box, which reads "Thomas Visits the Castle".  I happened to notice the 6 translations, because that's 3 more than you normally see on a product, and I notice things like that.

Thomas Visite le chateau

Thomas Visita el castillo

Thomas Besucht die Burg

Thomas Bezeokt het kasteel

Thomas Visita il castello

Thomas Visita ao castelo

French, Spanish, German, Dutch, Italian and Portuguese I bet- I totally didn't check and I'm only guessing after Spanish.  I don't see European languages enough to be sure.  But I sure do have that Thomas the train song stuck in my head!  And in otras idiomas... Actually only Spanish.

"To Mas Y Su Amigoooooos!"

"Tho Mas And His EuropeanUnion Frieeeeeeends!"  

The foreign languages I do see around are French, Spanish, Arabic and at least four African languages....

And since I'm on the subject, I looked some shit up real quick.  According to the US refugee admissions data, the largest refugee language in America is Iraqi.  That I did not expect, but it totally makes sense.

"Tho Mas And His Displaced Refugee Frieeeeeends!"

Meanwhile, may I present: Train Tracks On Canvas, my latest brilliant idea for storing this pain in the ass train set!

Train Track On Canvas, by Nancy Cartonio (above), with a belt attached for hanging on the wall (see top photo).

Raised On Planet Venis, Now Living On Planet Penus

When I was a kid, somehow I came to believe that smart and pretty were opposites.  I was reading by age 4, and when I was 9, I beat my stepdad in a game of chess.  Other girls were pretty, but I was the smart one.

During puberty, I wished I was pretty.

In my 20's, I realized I am actually kind of pretty, and I could be more pretty if I tried, so I started trying.

In my 30's, I used Facebook to prove myself pretty.   Mission accomplished! Facebook has helped many people to remind me that I am pretty.

And not just me, everybody was out fishing when we first got Facebook. Remember the "boudoir photo shoots" trend?  Every girl I knew was playing lingerie model in their spare time.  Facebook was like a Fredrick's of Hollywood catalog, starring me and my Facebook friends.

At some point in my mid 30's I began studying psychology, and that is why I can honestly say:

In America, girls who don't look like Barbie believe they are unfuckable, and that is a very dangerously false thing for a girl to believe about herself.  Girls who believe nobody wants to fuck them, might also believe they will be safe at a Frat party.

I don't begrudge a girl looking good and getting attention, I'm talking about the brainwashing of young girls, low self esteem causing them to seek approval using their sex appeal, and we've all done it, because it's easy.  It's the easiest ego boost ever.  But the fact that you needed it in the first place is due to the systemic, generational problem of girls choosing to enhance their looks over their brains and accomplishments.  And it's not paying off like our grandmothers said it would!  But I digress.

Refrigerators don't try to attract magnets.  The magnets just stick, no matter what the fridge does.  Refrigerators are working all day and all night, and magnets are just jumping on when ever they get close enough.

But it's tolerated because one of those magnets could turn out to be the magnet of their dreams.

Either way, a refrigerator should be at peace with itself first.

I think that is perfectly logical advice.

Valentine's Day: 50 Shades of Stupid

I ignore Valentine's Day as much as the other holidays.  Gift-giving for the sake of a holiday is meaningless; you're just following learned rules of conduct.  And it's wasteful.  I mean, handing out Valentines at school?  What a waste of paper-and time!  They end up in the trash!  And the kids don't give a fuck! Why are we doing this?  I'm too practical to think it's cute.

I will say, in the spirit of things, I am happy to share some things I've learned about how to be in a healthy relationship.

1. Plan A- Be Nice, Plan B- Go Away.
   After our first big fight, my boyfriend and I agreed to not let future fights escalate.  We agreed to leave the room/tell the other to leave the room when we felt pissed enough to insult, yell or hit.  A good place to start.  Also, it's the least you can do.

2. Have Separate Rooms.
  We moved rooms around in our house in order to accommodate this and it was well worth it, so we could have our shared bedroom and each our own lair.

3.  Be Individual People.
   Time alone, honing our respective crafts, but also sharing responsibilities and bills.  Learning to be honest about what we want without the other taking it personally.

4. Be Specific About Your Roles.
  For example, my boyfriend would insist on doing certain things that I used to do in the before times, like mowing and painting.  He's way better at those things than I am.  But I painted my room by myself, due to his working a lot and my impatience.  It looks pretty awesome.  Anyway the point is people need to know what is expected of them and what they will get in return.  Like, if your partner thinks they don't have to clean their own skid marks out of the toilet, you need to know that, so you can break up with them (or teach them how and give them another chance).

5. Prioritize Financial Security.
  A functional relationship needs a solid foundation.  Grow up.  Get the bills paid and the budget sorted out, together as a team.  Live on Frugal Rock for awhile (clap, clap).


AND NEVER SAY I TOLD YOU SO!