Friday, September 6, 2019

I have officially lost faith in the male species...

I have officially lost faith in the male species. You ruin porn with your lousy cunnilingus! Every guy going down on a girl in porn acts like he doesn't wanna be doing it. He's going so fast like "hurry up and cum, hurry up and cum" what are you even doing? It's a beautiful pussy! Savor it, for fucks sake! Furthermore, every guy I've met in person while online dating has either: -lied or misrepresented themselves in some way -misinterpreted/disregarded everything I said in my profile -asked too much of me too soon So fuck off, I dont need dick so much that I'll put up with your disrespect. I'll masturbate 3 times a day rather than waste my time with you. Even though porn sucks now thanks to your lousy...

Monday, February 25, 2019

New Year's resolution rant

Common New Year's resolutions:
Be a better spouse, Be a better parent, Be nicer, Be healthier

New Year's Resolutions like these focus on making other people happier with you.  Maybe you think that will make you happy, but it won't (it won't make them happy, either).  In order to be successful, resolutions must have a personal meaning.  After all, it's your life, and no one can live it for you, or care about it or influence it as much as you do, or see what you see from your perspective or feel what you feel in your body.  So, the one resolution you should make is....

This Year, I'm Gonna Make Peace With Myself!  

And in doing so, you will in fact be a better spouse, parent, a nicer person and a healthier person!  I promise!  It will even help you to be better at work!

Common responses to this:
But I am at peace with myself!  It's my spouse who wants me to change....*
How can I make peace with myself when I know how horrible I am?**
Wtf, it's not like I have multiple personalities up in here, all in conflict with each other!***
Total Breakdown, Sobbing Unabashedly****

But I digress.  I want to explain how to go about making peace with yourself!  Why?  Because it's hard!  

Your subconscious mind will work against you, without you realizing it.  Negative feelings create negative behavior, and nothing good ever comes of negative behavior.  We're supposed to be able to rise above our primal, instinctual feelings, and use them as a survival tool.  But   
 Here's an analogy: when you delete an application from your hard drive, it doesn't get deleted completely, some caches and logs remain, just taking up space not being used.  The human brain is the same way when we learn something new.  The old information is still there and subconsciously influences your behavior and decisions, but you don't realize it.

For example: People who smoke cigarettes, smoke for a reason!  

Smoking gives you cancer.  That kind of news should be enough to make anyone quit as soon as they hear it, never mind the non-smokers bitching about how gross you smell and sound.  If people continue to smoke, then it must be because they "believe" (subconsciously) it is helping them somehow (stay slim), and they are choosing the consequences of smoking as the lesser of 2 evils (they'd rather be dead than fat), subconsciously of course.  Consciously, we all know the dangers of smoking, but our subconscious, our "core beliefs", as wrong as they may be, will trump the scientific data every time; basically our advanced human physiology allows us to feel right when we're wrong.  We just don't recognize it in ourselves when it's happening.  Damn those core beliefs!  

So, in making peace with yourself, you must start to analyze yourself.  Try to recognize the human part of you that allows you to think that you are correct and justified when you are not.  Yeah, it's pretty fucking hard.  You have to challenge every negative feeling you ever get, against an instinctual need to defend them, in order to think clearly.  This takes LOTS of practice, and humbling!  

Forget about what other people think, forget saving face or exacting revenge or not being defeated- fuck those guys and fuck this fake shit that doesn't matter; You must force yourself to practice the "fuck those guys" mental isolation technique to retrain your brain (get unstuck) and focus on what's important.  Make it real somehow, apply it to your life; it may seem weird at first, but so does an exercise routine.  It will get easier!  Especially since this fight is between you and you alone!  This does not concern anybody else!  Fuck those guys!  Fix you!  It's harder than you thought, but it will be worth it for all of us, I promise!


For example: that moment when the conversation turns into a fight.  You don't know exactly how, but something was said that made you feel offended, right?  

Your instinct is to retaliate or defend, BUT DON'T!  Don't say a fucking thing.  Learn to RECOGNIZE this offense without responding or reacting to it.  This is an exercise in regret prevention, and you'll thank me later, when you manage to prevent a big fight, you normally would've had, because you learned this simple technique!

First, you have to make sure you understand what it is you are feeling offended about, and is it just, or uncalled for?  Are you feeling resentment that you caused by being untrue to yourself?  It is common enough, I'll tell you that right now; I know a lot of people's business.  We're all the same.  We all need the same advice.  Eventually we all fess up.

Because we're not prepared!  We don't know ourselves at all!  We can make excuses, we can get by.  I don't do that anymore, not after years of therapy.  I get it now.  Most people don't get it.  If you didn't learn to get it from your parents, that means they don't get it either and still don't.

Some people treat themselves to guilty pleasures, which is the opposite of being true to yourself!  It's like, being your own Pinocchio peer pressure bully!  Somehow convincing you that to trade your schoolbooks for a ticket to the freak show will yield no negative consequence!  Guilty pleasures?  Guilt and pleasure do not even belong in the same sentence, as they cannot live for very long in the same body!  Guilt comes back when the pleasure's all done, and gets bored and restless and creates new problems!  My advice: Strive for a guilt-free existence by being honest with yourself and everyone around you.  Don't do things that you know will make you feel guilty later.  Stop betraying yourself.  You're all you've got!

*If you're ok with yourself the way you are but your spouse isn't, and you're willing to change yourself to suit the spouse, then you are not at peace with yourself.  Personally, I'd look for a new spouse.

**If you are truly horrible, you must be a sociopath; sociopaths do not have feelings, and wouldn't be reading a blog about new year's resolutions because they ain't changin' shit.  Most likely, you've done or said some horrible things and your guilt and embarrassment is the punishment you know you deserve.  So you're stuck in a subconscious cycle of self hatred and self destructive behaviors that feed your self hatred.....  but you must be a good person, otherwise you wouldn't feel guilt or embarrassment in the first place.  And you're reading this, so you're open to learning thus growing, and that's actually the most respectable thing a human can do in their spare time!

***Yes, you do!

****It's not your fault! It's not your fault! It's not your fault! It's not your fault!

Seriously, it's not your fault.  You were born without your permission.  You were taught what ever the fuck your people teach their young, and that is not your fault, or your parents' fault, even- it's way bigger than that, so...  Everybody knows you had nothing to do with creating your core beliefs, they are incidental.  Accidental even.  Picked up along the way, indeed.  Acquired.  That's a fact.


My brother came to live with me, again, because he was homeless and had nowhere else to go, again.

He got kicked out of the place he was staying for disturbing the peace.  And he got kicked out of the place he lived before that for living there illegally.  Before that he was in Caribou*.  Before that he was here.  Before that he was squatting in the abandoned house around the corner.  Before that he was here.  Before that he was with a girlfriend.  The pattern is clear- He is going to end up living with me forever.  And he doesn't contribute financially to the household- he isn't normal like that, never has been.

The truth is, my brother is autistic, dyslexic, and has PTSD and behavior disorders, anxiety and probably depression too.  He isn't one of those on the spectrum who seems "retarded" right away; when you first meet him he seems normal... until you get him talking.  Autistic people tend to talk incessantly about things they care about, they are in their own world and don't pick up social cues like a neuro-typical person would.  He also has some physical attributes of ASD such as wide-open eyes and spastic movements.

The trouble is, he won't let me take him to the doctor.  He needs diagnosis and treatment, therapy, anger management.  He could get on disability, which would cover his room and board.  I offered to take him and be his payee and do all the paperwork for him because I know he has a hard time with paperwork, but still he refuses.  He wants to continue to live as a transient scavenger.  He doesn't seem to understand (or care) that society can't have him living like that and he will end up in jail.  He can't manage his emotions, his behavior, his temper, his time or money, his belongings, his life.  He isn't normal.  And we have a lifetime of documented incidents to prove it.

A couple years ago he was arrested and beaten by police just for being himself.  Strangers misunderstand him and are afraid of him.  People call the cops on him all the damn time.  He is loud and unruly.  And nobody knows that he is autistic.

In the meantime, all we do is fight.  He throws temper tantrums and makes messes.  He is a 42 year old toddler who disturbs the neighbors.

I am at my wits end.  How do you help someone who won't be helped?

*My brother wanted to own a house, so he bought the cheapest one he could find on craigslist.  And it's in Caribou, a 6 hour drive away.  So he technically owns a house, but he also owes property taxes, and can't hold a job, and can't afford the utilities so he can't live there in the winter.  So the house just sits there accumulating debt and will probably be taken from him.

Being In Love Is Dumb

my girl,  her man is the worst,
she's always doin things for him he wouldnt do for her,
he just keep piling on the work, getting on my nerves
and she's madly in love with this shit she doesnt deserve

I fell in love with someone I'd only met online
who lived very far away
not once but twice in my life 
It's ridiculous
So now I'm seeing someone
I won't fall in love with
who honors my royalty
and serves me with loyalty
he's available 
lives with his mama 
dont need a job
so hes here when i need him
how can i say no

Monday, November 13, 2017

Advice For Stupid Debt Collectors, From A Pro

I was a debt collector at a prominent agency for many years.  I eventually became the Collections Manager, where I was responsible for 2 offices that were 3 hours away from each other.  I was in charge of everything from staffing and training to consoling angry customers who demanded to speak to a supervisor, but my main job was to make sure we collected X amount of money each month to meet our budget.  And if we exceeded that amount, we got a nice commission.

Most debt collectors are stupid, selfish, entry level peons who have no idea what they're doing or why, who get paid like 9 bucks an hour and generally have no idea how the world works.  That's no excuse for using bully tactics, but it is probably the reason for them.  

So here's some advice for you fucking morons:

1. There are only 3 types of debtors:
-those who don't answer or hang up on you
-those who answer and make a payment arrangement
-those who answer and pay you over the phone

And you have absolutely no control over these people, your words mean nothing.

2. Collections is just a numbers game.  Your success is determined by the law of averages, not by being a salesman.  You can ask them to pay, but do not waste time trying to refute every reason why they can't.

3. When you get a debtor on the phone, make your pitch, ask for payment in full over the phone.  If they won't, make a payment arrangement and then leave them the fuck alone.  Keep the call as short as possible.

4. The more people you call, the more likely you are to find that third type of debtor.  You cannot change type 2 into type 3, nobody can.  If you even try, you're harassing them and I hope they sue your pants off, you dumb cunt.  

You don't have to be a shitty person to do this shitty job.

"This is an attempt to collect a debt, any information obtained will be used for that purpose"

Fake It Til You Make It Doesn't Mean What You Think It Means

You seem to think it means "act confident", "just tell them what they wanna hear" or "pretend you understand".

It doesn't.

"Fake it til you make it" is not a show you put on for others, it is a deal you make with yourself.

This is how you do it:

1. Figure out why you hate yourself (hint: you already know).  Identify the thing about yourself that you want to change (my body, my life, my temper, etc)

2. Figure out how you can make peace with it, either by developing a new attitude about it or changing your daily habits, and make a plan ON PAPER that you will look at and follow and practice every single day
(diet/exercise, new job, behavioral therapy, etc)

3. Fake it til you make it.  Which means force yourself to not do what you always do.  Force yourself to follow your new plan, go through the motions of your new habit, even though you don't feel like it in the moment, and keep forcing yourself until the new habit is your go-to habit.

It's "faking" that you really want to be doing this "new habit action" when you really don't.  But you really do... You just have to find a way trick yourself while you practice your new habit, which should only take 21 days to develop if you're consistent....

Correlation Between Interest And Investment (Of The Heart)

I have no patience for bullshit and I'd just as soon cut to the chase.  Keep it simple, I say, get to the point, quit prefacing and just blurt it out already.  But not always.  God forbid people are honest when they're trying to hook up!

But no, you have to play games.

If a guy shows interest in you, you are allowed to reciprocate that interest.  But if you show signs of investment, he will lose interest.

It seems counter-intuitive (and counter productive) to a robotic nerd like me but I swear it's true.  So remember the rule:

Less Investment = More Interest
More Investment = Less Interest