Thursday, December 24, 2015

Confessions Of A Bad Mom

   Norah is my second daughter, and my mini-me.  She has her own blog, like me, and her own you tube channel, like me.  She goes through phases of interest, like me, and dives head first into research, like me.  

   Last night she was kind of stressed out, and told me, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but I was doing research for one of my dan and phil projects and I accidentally saw porn."

To which I replied, "Okay... was it guy on guy porn?"

And she said, "No, guy and girl..."

So I was like, "Okay, well do you wanna talk about it?"
   
And she said, "No, but can you put parental controls on my computer or something?"



"Oh, sure.  So, no questions about what you saw?"

"Nope.  I know about it, I just don't need to see it."

   
So I took her computer from her and adjusted the settings.
   
"There ya go," I said, handing it back.  "But for the record I'm against censorship."

She smiled and asked, "So, can I swear in one of my videos?"


And then I explained that swear words, like any words, are a literary tool that she should learn how to use, and use well. 

"So the answer is yes, but only if it makes what you're saying more funny."


















Saturday, December 19, 2015

Napoleon Hill Makes A Great Point, But

Napoleon Hill told me all I need to do is complete these three steps:

1. What do you want?  (a humanist/environmentalist world)


2. What are you willing to give in order to get it? (whatever I have)


3. Get out there and start giving. (like I've been doing)


Fuck yeah.  

So what do I have to give?

-Musical/various artistic abilities  
-Wisdom (People won't ask for advice, so I just give it)
-Too many fucks, apparently.  I care about everything.  I see the big picture, and everything is part of it, so




Giving is good.  But I think we should also be asking:

What are you willing to give up?

Because we're going to have to give up plastic to save the planet.  Plastic is bad, mkay....





No Sex For Seven Days

I had to see the ob-gyn this week to get a new Mirena put in, since the old one was about to expire.

If you don't already know, Mirena is an IUD.  It's like a fake baby in your uterus, that tricks your body into thinking its already pregnant.  That's how I explained it to my kids, anyway.

My doctor had to explain the procedure of taking out the old one, cleaning and measuring the uterus, and placement of the new IUD, and all the things that could go wrong before, during and after.... like the risk of being punctured by the thing as she's putting it in!  OFFS!

"But don't worry," she said.  "Before we do any of that, I'll do a pelvic exam..."  
That's the part where they put one hand up inside you, and the other hand is outside you, so they can feel your uterus and ovaries as accurately as possible.
"... so I can gauge the true size of your uterus to minimize the risk of puncture.  And you're thin, which makes it so much easier..."

I'm thin?
you mean, I'm thin?!
"AAAAAAAAAAAAH" (angels singing)

As with any new birth control, it needs time to settle in and start working.  So, no sex for seven days!  And you know what that means...



I'm making cabbage soup!  Totally gonna rock out on vegetables this week.  Seriously.  Visit at your own risk.