The "high school drama" Album

This body of work should have been packaged and released a long time ago, so I'm doing it now. 

These songs tell the story of who I was at the time they were written, and the rocky- um, actually, toxic- relationship that I was in. Even though this relationship and these songs happened after I graduated, I was still only 18 at the beginning- 20 by the end, but still a child the whole time. Of course, I'm viewing this "high school drama" with adult eyes, with years of therapy under my belt. Kids can't help what they don't know, and what they don't know is what hurts them. In hindsight, I never should have stayed with someone who wasn't good for me. These songs should never have happened!

1. movie girl

"her bf acts like he wants someone else, she's jealous and insecure, asking for reassurance and not getting it..." 

Red flag, gurl, DUMP HIM

2. rhyme

"she's still with this jerk and this song is about how it's going..."

Many specific red flags here, DUMP HIM

3. whatever

"she's not happy with him for all these reasons but is willing to overlook them if he would just be a little more fair, or something..."

Ignoring the red flags and gaslighting yourself? DUMP HIM

4. anything to do with love

"she's cheating because he's cheating, like, to get even..."

You are not handling this situation correctly! DUMP HIM

5. trying to save u

"she tried to stand up for herself but then he got mad and now she's like oh sorry baby did I hurt you I'm so sorry I'll never do it again you are my lord and savior..."

Look what he's done to you! DUMP HIM

6. waterfall

"she's taken all she can take and she's done..."

Well it's about time! DUMP HIM

7. my little life

"she lost... him? her life with him? a little life... a baby? And she's depressed..."

Sorry about the miscarriage but you dodged a bullet! MOVE ON

8. the one

"she's broken up with him but they're "still friends" and all she can think about is what he's doing now that's she's not there, and for some reason is torturing herself by asking him and fighting with him about it even though she says she needs time to mend..."

The epitome of high school drama! Let it go! MOVE ON

9. who I am

"she's had time to mend, she's finally over him, and they are still friends, even though everyone says its a bad idea, because they can't see who she has become since the breakup..."

And at this point she really did move on.

If you should find yourself relating to any of these songs, I strongly recommend talking to a therapist about the way your partner makes you feel, so you can respond in a healthier way than I did.

DIY My Way To The Middle

I don't know why I'm like this, I don't mean to be, 

life would be easier without this stupid "dream" or "ambition" or whatever it is. But I just always sing and write songs, and I have done this since I was a single digit child. I have always wanted to make professional recordings of my songs and hear them on the radio and have people like them and all that, and I think I just assumed I could grow up and be a full time musician... not understanding that life and husbands and kids would slow me way down...

And what I want just happens to be like the most expensive thing you could want... I mean, professional studio time and musicians, mixing and mastering and cds, at like $2500 per song, and an album is like 10 songs... That's why I started making demos on GarageBand in 2008.

Fifteen years later, I'm probably an expert at recording in GarageBand. I'm grateful that I get to record everything myself and execute my vision without some dude telling me it's a bad idea without even understanding what I'm after... 

Still, this doesn't yield the highest of quality required for industry standards. I still really want to make a high quality record someday, in a real studio, and have it mastered by a pro like Adam Ayan or Bob Ludwig. 

Until then it's DIY. I made a website on Bandzoogle and released the album "high school drama". I ordered physical CDs, and some magnets.

 I might do other Merch, idk. I might have a cd release party and try to sell stuff. Maybe I'll perform a couple of songs from the album. 

Maybe this can be like fundraising for my dream. I'll release a few DIY albums until I raise the 10 grand to make a real studio album.