All of us, fucking brainwashed.
I remember the first time I found out what hot dogs were made of. I tried to tell my mother and she said, "No! Don't tell me, I'll never be able to eat them again!"
Of course. Don't tell me what's going on behind the scenes at McDonald's because I don't want to give up drive-thru. Don't tell me how they modify produce to grow its own pesticide. Don't tell me about the conditions at the meat factories. Don't tell me that aspartame is the fecal matter of bacteria. Don't tell me the government is exploiting us, the corporations that run the government are exploiting us. That the textbooks at my kids' school are inaccurate. That "no child left behind" doesn't mean what you think it means. That civilian police are now paramilitary equipped and are above the law. Laws are written in a confusing way on purpose to leave room for interpretation, depending on whose side you're on. That my vote doesn't count.
Ok, brainwashed. And fat, unhealthy. Overworked, underpaid, under-educated. Kept down by the system that exploits us. We can't even think straight. Let's just order a pizza, watch TV, gotta get up early tomorrow.....
ok, too much information?
Start with the machine that is your body. Read the ingredients.
Do you know what you just put in your mouth and chewed and swallowed? Do you know what you're putting in your body? Do you want to know?
You = human= machine.
Machine has needs. Machine doesn't understand "want" Want? wtf?
Want= emotion
oh yeah, feelings. Feelings Lie.
Give the machine what it needs. It doesn't need soda, your whiny emotions want a soda, but you know you don't need it. Your PMS crankypants attitude wants a cheesecake, but you don't need it. Feed your brain instead and break this pattern!
KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid)
Eat stuff from the earth (fresh fruits and vegetables)
Less ingredients= more healthy
DRINK ONLY WATER
Dark Cottagecore Diaries
Sunday, October 6, 2013
History Lessons With Context, For Kids
Hold up your hand, like 5. Your thumb is your kids, pointer is you, middle is your parents, ring is your grandparents, pinky is your great-grandparents. About 100 years, 5 generations. This was how I began to teach my daughters about, well, life: time, family, history, culture, religion, economics, people. I want to share this idea because it has been extremely effective in getting children to understand things on a broader and deeper level.
Each finger has its own place in history. When I tell the girls stories about their grandmother, it leads to stories about what was going on in the world when Grammy was little, and MeMe was my age... and their culture and religion, and even things like gender roles and social expectations of that time. The idea is to point out that most things in life are not taught intentionally, but rather incidentally. Customs and traditions aside, basic social skills are learned by observing adults at home when we're little. Is your temper like your dad's temper? Do you smoke? These are things that we learn at home when we're little. It's subconscious. Children learn what they live. By pointing this out, I am able to explain to my kids why people are the way they are, based on how and where and when they were raised and schooled.
Some people are brought up a certain way, and they stay that way. They stay loyal to whatever mindset they were raised around, and then raise the next generation the same way.
Hypothetically, if you were raised to be honest and responsible and fair, to rise above human emotions and use fact and logic and critical thinking to solve problems, and to serve the greater good in the name of peace and world unity, then awesome! You should totally stay loyal to that mindset and raise your kids to be that way too! Eradicate greed and envy!
envy= self hatred
greed= compensation of self hatred
uh-oh, spin-off rant**
If you hate yourself, there's a reason. Is it a real reason? I mean, is it real or only feels real? It is worth facing the truth about your self esteem, because low self-esteem is the opposite of inner peace. How many times have you lacked the confidence or the motivation to do what you know is right? Have you displayed false confidence instead? Repeated what you heard instead of doing your own research? Or simply act apathetic?
Emotions hold us back, and we let them. They are not even true, not factual, not "real", but unfortunately we have been taught to rely on them. You've heard "go with your gut" and "follow your heart" but have you heard "recognize your feeling but don't throw a fit over it, try to figure out why you feel that way and then fix the fucking problem"??
MADE SIMPLE:
Feelings Lie and Truth Hurts
Stop Avoiding Pain, The Only Way Out Is Through
If You Feel Anxiety About Something, Learn More About It
Each finger has its own place in history. When I tell the girls stories about their grandmother, it leads to stories about what was going on in the world when Grammy was little, and MeMe was my age... and their culture and religion, and even things like gender roles and social expectations of that time. The idea is to point out that most things in life are not taught intentionally, but rather incidentally. Customs and traditions aside, basic social skills are learned by observing adults at home when we're little. Is your temper like your dad's temper? Do you smoke? These are things that we learn at home when we're little. It's subconscious. Children learn what they live. By pointing this out, I am able to explain to my kids why people are the way they are, based on how and where and when they were raised and schooled.
Some people are brought up a certain way, and they stay that way. They stay loyal to whatever mindset they were raised around, and then raise the next generation the same way.
Hypothetically, if you were raised to be honest and responsible and fair, to rise above human emotions and use fact and logic and critical thinking to solve problems, and to serve the greater good in the name of peace and world unity, then awesome! You should totally stay loyal to that mindset and raise your kids to be that way too! Eradicate greed and envy!
envy= self hatred
greed= compensation of self hatred
uh-oh, spin-off rant**
If you hate yourself, there's a reason. Is it a real reason? I mean, is it real or only feels real? It is worth facing the truth about your self esteem, because low self-esteem is the opposite of inner peace. How many times have you lacked the confidence or the motivation to do what you know is right? Have you displayed false confidence instead? Repeated what you heard instead of doing your own research? Or simply act apathetic?
Emotions hold us back, and we let them. They are not even true, not factual, not "real", but unfortunately we have been taught to rely on them. You've heard "go with your gut" and "follow your heart" but have you heard "recognize your feeling but don't throw a fit over it, try to figure out why you feel that way and then fix the fucking problem"??
MADE SIMPLE:
Feelings Lie and Truth Hurts
Stop Avoiding Pain, The Only Way Out Is Through
If You Feel Anxiety About Something, Learn More About It
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Things I Learned In Therapy
I don't have all the answers, but Google does, so by proxy we are all brilliant.....
I want to live in a world where it is ok for us to feel pride in ourselves. Seemingly, I'm allowed to be smart, resourceful and independent but not allowed to be confident or helpful.... really?
Recently, I was told by someone (a male) that my confidence is off-putting, and people hate it when I "act like I'm smart" and try to help them, and that I am perceived as a cavalier know-it-all who is actually belittling the ones I aim to help, that I am so arrogant that I don't see it, and to top it all off, I purposefully limit my interactions with people who are dumber than me in order to feel good about myself. This is quite an insult, not only to me but to anyone I ever interact with (including this person I dare say). Clearly none of these things can be true, or I would've heard it from someone other than him by now, and people would have stopped hitting me up for advice long ago. I gather that this insult stems from the way this person feels about himself. Why else would he want me to feel bad about the way I am? Why would he want me to believe that I should keep my mouth shut lest I go around offending people? Why would anyone take my behavior personally? This is an example of bullying, where you want to knock someone down a peg to make yourself feel better, right? Only it backfired on him, because my peg is still right where it was. Thanks to years of therapy, I know what is good about me, in a factual sense. I also know what is bad about me in a factual sense, which is why I have been in therapy for 4 years. Knowing your own strengths/weaknesses is a GOOD THING, and it is not easy to un-know something you have studied and worked hard for. I consider myself to be a force of good in the universe, isn't that a good thing? I like helping people when I can. I also like being helped by people who know more than me! And what's wrong with giving advice? It's GIVING, not taking, it's free to use or to disregard, or even to challenge, so why should it bother anyone? My opinions are based on my knowledge and experiences, same as yours. I am not simply a product of how I was raised, or what I was taught in school. I do not operate on autopilot... anymore, thanks to therapy... Thanks to therapy I have a sense of organic confidence that I didn't have before. I pursue knowledge and solutions, I offer to help people whether I know them or not, I challenge people who used to intimidate me. I am able to feel things like pride and peace. And you want to hold that against me? You want to turn it into something it's not, you want to turn it into snobbery and cockery, when it clearly isn't. I am proud of my ability to see people and things for what they are. There is no need for comparison when you see things that way, so how can you say I think I am better than you? What one person is capable of has nothing to do with anyone else, therefore comparisons are simply pointless. Fish can't climb trees, a smart person would never bother to compare them to squirrels. Personally, I would be thrilled if everyone decided to be the best person they could be. People who are okay with themselves are ultimately going to do more for the greater good than someone who has not addressed their self esteem issues. Low self esteem is the reason people go crazy and think evil thoughts and do evil things. Low self esteem is the opposite of peace. I know from personal experience. When I decided to become the best me possible, I knew my only hope was to get my ass to therapy, and it has resulted in personal growth that I wouldn't have achieved otherwise. I am going to continue to share myself, my wisdom, my experiences, my knowledge, my mistakes, my ideas, my music.... and I am going to pass my philosophy on to my children and hope nobody tries to make them feel bad for being the best people they can be. Ideally, you will join me in this, and we will raise the next generation to be intelligent, peaceful, confident people, who aren't cocks.
I want to live in a world where it is ok for us to feel pride in ourselves. Seemingly, I'm allowed to be smart, resourceful and independent but not allowed to be confident or helpful.... really?
Recently, I was told by someone (a male) that my confidence is off-putting, and people hate it when I "act like I'm smart" and try to help them, and that I am perceived as a cavalier know-it-all who is actually belittling the ones I aim to help, that I am so arrogant that I don't see it, and to top it all off, I purposefully limit my interactions with people who are dumber than me in order to feel good about myself. This is quite an insult, not only to me but to anyone I ever interact with (including this person I dare say). Clearly none of these things can be true, or I would've heard it from someone other than him by now, and people would have stopped hitting me up for advice long ago. I gather that this insult stems from the way this person feels about himself. Why else would he want me to feel bad about the way I am? Why would he want me to believe that I should keep my mouth shut lest I go around offending people? Why would anyone take my behavior personally? This is an example of bullying, where you want to knock someone down a peg to make yourself feel better, right? Only it backfired on him, because my peg is still right where it was. Thanks to years of therapy, I know what is good about me, in a factual sense. I also know what is bad about me in a factual sense, which is why I have been in therapy for 4 years. Knowing your own strengths/weaknesses is a GOOD THING, and it is not easy to un-know something you have studied and worked hard for. I consider myself to be a force of good in the universe, isn't that a good thing? I like helping people when I can. I also like being helped by people who know more than me! And what's wrong with giving advice? It's GIVING, not taking, it's free to use or to disregard, or even to challenge, so why should it bother anyone? My opinions are based on my knowledge and experiences, same as yours. I am not simply a product of how I was raised, or what I was taught in school. I do not operate on autopilot... anymore, thanks to therapy... Thanks to therapy I have a sense of organic confidence that I didn't have before. I pursue knowledge and solutions, I offer to help people whether I know them or not, I challenge people who used to intimidate me. I am able to feel things like pride and peace. And you want to hold that against me? You want to turn it into something it's not, you want to turn it into snobbery and cockery, when it clearly isn't. I am proud of my ability to see people and things for what they are. There is no need for comparison when you see things that way, so how can you say I think I am better than you? What one person is capable of has nothing to do with anyone else, therefore comparisons are simply pointless. Fish can't climb trees, a smart person would never bother to compare them to squirrels. Personally, I would be thrilled if everyone decided to be the best person they could be. People who are okay with themselves are ultimately going to do more for the greater good than someone who has not addressed their self esteem issues. Low self esteem is the reason people go crazy and think evil thoughts and do evil things. Low self esteem is the opposite of peace. I know from personal experience. When I decided to become the best me possible, I knew my only hope was to get my ass to therapy, and it has resulted in personal growth that I wouldn't have achieved otherwise. I am going to continue to share myself, my wisdom, my experiences, my knowledge, my mistakes, my ideas, my music.... and I am going to pass my philosophy on to my children and hope nobody tries to make them feel bad for being the best people they can be. Ideally, you will join me in this, and we will raise the next generation to be intelligent, peaceful, confident people, who aren't cocks.
Saturday, February 23, 2013
How I Stay Thin
I am not skinny. I am not a health nut, or an exercise freak, nor have I ever had a flat, model belly. However, I'm a thin person. I am a bit top-heavy but not busty enough to notice really. Overall I am grateful for the body I have. I was a little overweight in between each baby, but I managed to snap back (with some stretch marks of course). I maintain a relatively hot but flawed body (considering I had 3 kids). I'm telling you this because I want to share my "think thin" philosophy that I learned from my Dad. Think like a thin person thinks, do what a thin person does. Catch yourself when you're about do to something a fat person would do. Develop thin habits. Now, I used to think thin habits amounted to starving and smoking cigarettes, but in my experience, it is really all about portion control. Habitually, I don't eat very much in one sitting, or very quickly. Well, I drink coffee quickly, I almost chug my first cup. I take my morning pills with my first cup so that might be why. But coffee in the morning, a slice of raisin toast with butter and a hard boiled egg or a link of sausage, and more coffee... with whole milk and 3 sugars (it's a big mug), and after that it's just pitcher water til after school. Bear in mind that this all starts around 6am-ish, and it takes me forever to finish eating my little breakfast. I take a bite or 2 and walk away, do a chore or go to the store and come back in an hour and have a little more. Woah did that totally rhyme? Weird. Anyway, the good thing is that I don't ever stuff myself. Well, maybe once in a while, at night. When I drink red wine I like to snack on cheese and olives, and cheez-its, and occasionally some pepperoni slices but you shouldn't ever feel stuffed if you want a small stomach. In fact, only eat until you're not hungry. Leave plenty of room for dessert and then don't have dessert. I mean, don't eat dessert. Go have sex instead, and be on top. A thin person would be on top. A thin person would have a small stomach and would be completely stuffed by now (that means stop eating now if you want to be a thin person). And if your portion looks like it's not enough, stop trusting your eyes! Use your hand as a guideline, eat a handful at a time, drink water in between. No special diet, just common sense and portion control. Don't eat crap, and don't eat much, you don't want to stretch out your stomach by stuffing it to the brim. Even if you are stuffed on celery you are still stretching your stomach out, which means the next time you are hungry it will take more food to sate you. That's going the wrong way! Eat less and less, shrink your stomach, need very little to sate your hunger!!! Create new habits based on thinking and acting thin, that way even if you do occasionally eat crap, you won't eat much of it. A habit takes only 21 days to develop into the feeling of normal routine. Just sayin'.
The reason I titled this as a "controversy" is because:
~ I assume there will be someone who reads this and thinks something like, "well maybe for you but I'm naturally fat" And to that person I say, "Well then you are thinking like a fat person, and probably acting like one." Don't use that excuse anymore and see how much easier it is to take that step in the right direction. Next thing you know, every step you take will be in that direction, out of habit.
~It is taboo to talk about wanting to be thin, isn't it? Even though we're all thinking it, we're not supposed to talk about it? Oh, wait, we're not supposed to be obsessed with it, or something....
~It is culturally unacceptable to have the audacity to give advice to anyone about anything ever, especially without credentials. Well my credentials are as follows: I've been unhealthily thin, I've been fat, and I've been healthily thin, in that order, and I look good now doing what I'm doing. Some people have asked me how I do it. So there ya go.
~ I can think of plenty of reasons to NOT post this......
The reason I titled this as a "controversy" is because:
~ I assume there will be someone who reads this and thinks something like, "well maybe for you but I'm naturally fat" And to that person I say, "Well then you are thinking like a fat person, and probably acting like one." Don't use that excuse anymore and see how much easier it is to take that step in the right direction. Next thing you know, every step you take will be in that direction, out of habit.
~It is taboo to talk about wanting to be thin, isn't it? Even though we're all thinking it, we're not supposed to talk about it? Oh, wait, we're not supposed to be obsessed with it, or something....
~It is culturally unacceptable to have the audacity to give advice to anyone about anything ever, especially without credentials. Well my credentials are as follows: I've been unhealthily thin, I've been fat, and I've been healthily thin, in that order, and I look good now doing what I'm doing. Some people have asked me how I do it. So there ya go.
~ I can think of plenty of reasons to NOT post this......
Monday, February 18, 2013
It's not the singer, it's the song.
It doesn't matter who you know or what your image is. A hit song would trump all of that anyway, wouldn't it?
Considering all the famous bad singers who put out hits, yep. Although.... I must love that song "breathe" by anna malick for her voice, because the song itself isn't that great. I covered it once and then I was like, "eh, never mind, this is boring." I just like singing along with it.
So, what makes a hit?
Ingredients like simple, catchy and upbeat maybe? Motivating, invigorating or nostalgic?
Evocative lyrics/subject matter or mood?
The thing is, I don't sit down and write songs on purpose. They just sort of happen while I'm talking to myself. Well, that's how they start anyway, I play around with them from there. It could take hours or months to write a song. It really depends on how much I like it. You can tell how much I like a song by how many times I remix it :)
And if I like it, maybe someone else will, too. That's the bottom line I guess, put it out there because you never know...
I want to believe that someone, somewhere is listening to "over my head" heartbroken and bawling their eyes out, or walking Baxter Blvd to my dance album...
https://soundcloud.com/nancy-cartonio/sets/dance-music-28.
...... and suddenly it's late and the NyQuil is kicking in!
Considering all the famous bad singers who put out hits, yep. Although.... I must love that song "breathe" by anna malick for her voice, because the song itself isn't that great. I covered it once and then I was like, "eh, never mind, this is boring." I just like singing along with it.
So, what makes a hit?
Ingredients like simple, catchy and upbeat maybe? Motivating, invigorating or nostalgic?
Evocative lyrics/subject matter or mood?
The thing is, I don't sit down and write songs on purpose. They just sort of happen while I'm talking to myself. Well, that's how they start anyway, I play around with them from there. It could take hours or months to write a song. It really depends on how much I like it. You can tell how much I like a song by how many times I remix it :)
And if I like it, maybe someone else will, too. That's the bottom line I guess, put it out there because you never know...
I want to believe that someone, somewhere is listening to "over my head" heartbroken and bawling their eyes out, or walking Baxter Blvd to my dance album...
https://soundcloud.com/nancy-cartonio/sets/dance-music-28.
...... and suddenly it's late and the NyQuil is kicking in!
Friday, February 8, 2013
Been through a blizzard and a storm with no name...
... it felt good to be inside today.... and what better excuse. The kids left to go visit their other families this morn/noon and ever since I have been lost in computer-land. And speaking of lost...
I found the original tracks to "without me" which I thought had been long lost- DO YOU REALIZE WHAT THIS MEANS? Without me is one of my favorites, and I have remixed it a bunch but really it has just been polishing a shit. What has needed to happen all along can now happen. I am going to pull out the crappy parts and fix the broken parts and crap dammit !!! Incidentally I also found my balls in this bottle of wine! And suddenly it's 10pm and I haven't stayed up this late in ages....
Oh yeah and somewhere along the way today I googled myself and found a fake website that had me listed under Portland, OR. It turned out to be a ploy to get me to "claim the page" and create a profile on their website. So I created one for my J-pop subgenre, which I hope to someday flesh out :)
http://www.mtv.com/artists/lidu-makugidu-lil-mcgill
I found the original tracks to "without me" which I thought had been long lost- DO YOU REALIZE WHAT THIS MEANS? Without me is one of my favorites, and I have remixed it a bunch but really it has just been polishing a shit. What has needed to happen all along can now happen. I am going to pull out the crappy parts and fix the broken parts and crap dammit !!! Incidentally I also found my balls in this bottle of wine! And suddenly it's 10pm and I haven't stayed up this late in ages....
Oh yeah and somewhere along the way today I googled myself and found a fake website that had me listed under Portland, OR. It turned out to be a ploy to get me to "claim the page" and create a profile on their website. So I created one for my J-pop subgenre, which I hope to someday flesh out :)
http://www.mtv.com/artists/lidu-makugidu-lil-mcgill
Thursday, February 7, 2013
venus and mars
hehe, oh that.....
a little embarrassing, and yet holds a special place in my heart (drunk).
https://soundcloud.com/lil-mcgill/venus-and-mars
Written by Jack Trudel, who is someone I do not know, but who contacted me via email and asked me to produce his song in the style of Taylor Swift, so that he may pitch it to the folks over at Universal, where he has some sort of deal. So, I say what the hell, and he sends me an mp3 of him singing and playing acoustic guitar, and a lyric sheet with chords. I brought the song to life by making it my own: adjusting the key, rewriting a few lines...
It is catchy.
a little embarrassing, and yet holds a special place in my heart (drunk).
https://soundcloud.com/lil-mcgill/venus-and-mars
Written by Jack Trudel, who is someone I do not know, but who contacted me via email and asked me to produce his song in the style of Taylor Swift, so that he may pitch it to the folks over at Universal, where he has some sort of deal. So, I say what the hell, and he sends me an mp3 of him singing and playing acoustic guitar, and a lyric sheet with chords. I brought the song to life by making it my own: adjusting the key, rewriting a few lines...
It is catchy.
Sunday, February 3, 2013
hebrew slang remix
Here is the original Hebrew Slang by Aquatronic
http://www.myspace.com/aquatronic/music/songs/hebrew-slang-16266993
It's pretty gross. But had too many redeeming qualities for me to ignore!
For instance, the vocal is pretty damn good, sung by Joanna Fitzgerald. After cleaning up the tracks, rearranging, deleting some old music and creating some new music.....
https://soundcloud.com/nancy-cartonio/hebrew-slang
Now I love it!
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
The Remixing and The Remix
Desperately wanting to "do" music, but completely dry of "new" material, I turn to the remix. I consider it practice, a honing of skills, a creative outlet. Sometimes it whets my appetite for other ideas, so it can serve as a spark as well, although technically it hasn't! I haven't written a song in like two years, really. I think the last true original was "love love", the JPOP song.
https://soundcloud.com/nancy-cartonio/ai-shite-iru?in=nancy-cartonio/sets/dance-music-28
Recently, I was cleaning out my computer and I found the Aquatronic stuff. I looked and listened and examined the tracks, and I was embarrassed. I didn't know half of what I know now in the technical sense, so the recordings were all fucked. And it was too bad, because some of the tracks were good and had potential. My fave was this:
http://www.myspace.com/aquatronic/music/songs/alien-sexcapade-16267047
I am generally not into rap, but this one is clever and fun, I love the lyrics. Also I liked Pharaoh's idea of using two different voices (both him) and making the song a conversation. Also, the beat we started with was Pharaoh's. I just felt like the song was naked, and wanted to be dressed up. With a little help from Joanna in the beat department, this is what happened:
https://soundcloud.com/nancy-cartonio/alien-sexcapade
I wanted to present the before and after so people could identify what I did with what I had. Now I love it even more. And the video too!
http://www.youtube.com/user/nancycartonio?feature=mhee
Monday, January 14, 2013
headphones vs speakers
It is very frustrating indeed!
I spend all day working on a song, in my room using headphones. By the time I finish, I am in love with it. I listen to it over and over until I feel like it belongs on the internet. During the "over and over" part I have finished my third glass of merlot, which may be why I love the song so much. The frustrating part is listening to the song on speakers. It always sounds different, worse. I have recorded, mixed and mastered under many a different circumstance and I still can't figure out how to "nail it". And there are days when I listen to all the songs I have ever done and I think they all suck. That may be why I do a lot of remixing/reworking old songs. If I almost love it, or only like a couple bits, I will take it apart and play with it for awhile... But goddammit I swear it sounds amazing in my headphones so why does it sound like crap when I plug in the speakers?! It's a pickle alright.
I spend all day working on a song, in my room using headphones. By the time I finish, I am in love with it. I listen to it over and over until I feel like it belongs on the internet. During the "over and over" part I have finished my third glass of merlot, which may be why I love the song so much. The frustrating part is listening to the song on speakers. It always sounds different, worse. I have recorded, mixed and mastered under many a different circumstance and I still can't figure out how to "nail it". And there are days when I listen to all the songs I have ever done and I think they all suck. That may be why I do a lot of remixing/reworking old songs. If I almost love it, or only like a couple bits, I will take it apart and play with it for awhile... But goddammit I swear it sounds amazing in my headphones so why does it sound like crap when I plug in the speakers?! It's a pickle alright.
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