Tuesday, December 29, 2020

Me & Bobby McGee: I Call Bullshit!

I call bullshit on the song Me & Bobbly McGee by Janis Joplin.

And I quote:

"I pulled my harpoon out of my dirty red bandana. I was playing soft while Bobby sang the blues. Windshield wipers slappin' time, I was holding Bobby's hand in mine..."

Bullshit! You were playing the fucking harmonica, Janis, and I seen you do it, with both hands! So you expect me to believe you were holding Bobby's hand too? I mean, how many hands do you even have? You're such a liar! Get your damn story straight, woman. This is complete bullshit. I cant even.

Tuesday, October 13, 2020

Twin Flames

 twin flames = soul mates = split aparts = BORG

I don't know how I feel about these theories but I have had some experiences lately that triggered this research. There's a lot of people talking about this on the internet.

Some say your twin flame shares your soul, that you are 2 halves of a whole. One is positive one is negative, like 2 ends of a magnet, and this polarity is how you know you found each other. One is divine masculine and one is divine feminine. I wonder if I might be the DM, and my other half is a masculine man on the outside with the DF soul. Wouldn't surprise me.

Some say when you meet your twin flame, you start thinking about them constantly, and they show up in your dreams and daydreams, as this is your souls recognizing each other subconsciously and talking to each other in the quantum realm. 

And you begin to notice other synchronicities, messages from the universe popping up everywhere, like numbers, songs, people randomly talking on the street saying what you need to hear, a relevant commercial coming on, strange things like that. And your psychic powers, empathy, clairvoyance, clairaudience, telekinesis, telepathy, astral projection etc all intensify, simply due to meeting.

A quantum entanglement, they call it. 

I need to untangle my own soul either way. If we're one soul, then I get to you through my own soul. Not to be all Ayn Rand but I need to do what I was born to do, not what you were born to do, and I say that not knowing either of those things,

and if there really is a quantum existence where we connect, then

win-win

also if there is a collective then technically we're all soul mates

also I wonder if its more likely that we exist in a quantum parallel universe and our soul mate is really just ourself in a parallel world, born as the opposite gender perhaps...




Tuesday, October 6, 2020

What Should I Do? What Would You Do?

 I don't talk about this because I'm embarrassed, I guess... but if I avoid the problem then I'm not solving the problem. Actually I've just been living with it for almost 10 years now. It's like I just accepted it like "ok I guess this is me now" but in any other country they would have just fixed me... am I such a brainwashed American that I just do what my country tells me to, instead of fighting for my health? and a normal life? 

Physically recovering from anal surgery is 10 months where you're basically in bed on morphine, on a liquid diet.  The state of Maine was nice enough to give me $500 a month TANF to live on while I applied for disability, I crammed 3 roommates in with me to make ends meet, and to help take care of things while I was recovering. And my surgery actually failed, so I'm not even really recovered. Medicare/Medicaid refuse to fund another surgery because the failure rate is still at 50%. So I didn't get my life back. But I did get disability which is $1300 a month so I was relieved to get it. 

I just feel a little useless I guess. I'm not normal, I'm high maintenance. I want to be helpful but I'm limited. Is this really me now?

In retrospect, I should have been outraged instead of defeated, and I should have exploited my situation for the greater good. I should have told my story and started a movement for M4A using myself as an example... If I were a Brit or Canadian I would be fixed by now and back to work. So, in a way, isn't that more American? 

Many people have said I should start a go fund me/kick start or whatever the fuck but I am just too embarrassed to ask for money for anal surgery. I suppose I should research surgeons, maybe it wouldn't hurt to find out how much I would need to raise... UGH! I CAN'T

I just need to get rich and famous with my music I guess.






Saturday, October 3, 2020

Administrative Coup To Save The Country From Covid, Since The Government Won't

 1.People who work in DHHS, unemployment and social security need to hack the system, so that everyone receives benefits

2. With everyone on welfare we can shut down every business and remain quarantined long enough for covid to burn out

3. Since administrative/secretarial work is for women and gays, no one will probably even notice

Sunday, April 26, 2020

Blah, Blah, Blahg

My music life-if I were living it- I'd be playing guitar every day, finishing all those songs, starting new ones, building an online presence, investing in copywriting and licensing and Logic and a new computer...

My barbie life- if I were living it- I'd turn the basement into a film studio and craft center, and finish all the shit I got going half way.  I'd set up the Flake & Diva set permanently so I could film every little idea, and have other sets for other videos and not have to strike the flake &diva set... I'd set up the sewing machine and learn how to use it once and for all, and make all kinds of stuff, use up all that fabric... set up another camera behind the camera to film real behind the scenes footage... I'd buy an actual camera instead of using my phone...

My astrology life- if I were living it- I'd be making videos in the defense of astrology, explaining the value and showing people how to actually use it for themselves, and selling my product, and maybe writing a book, maybe taking clients, maybe start a podcast

My home owner life- if I were living it- I'd be fixing up the house, and cleaning up the yard and preparing the garden beds, setting up the squirrel houses, fixing the fence, moving the greenhouses, planning the stage... getting rid of all the stuff, selling stuff... I could film home shopping network style videos and infomercials for my products and services...

My weight loss journey- if I were really living it- I'd be filming myself working out, cooking, shopping and journaling my progress, giving my tips and explaining what ive learned about how sugar and carbs make me feel, discuss my lifestyle changes, fasting, my strict diet... I could even do another cookbook...

Maybe I should be filming myself right now, typing this on my laptop on a pillow in my lap as I sit up in bed, joint in my mouth, crying, butthurt, hating my haterz... this is the show, right here.








I'm All Butt Hurt

I want y'all to know why I'm such a cunt.  

Is there a best way to present this information? Maybe I will start by explaining my condition as clearly as I can: 

I have anal prolapse.  

Not a full on sphincter prolapse, yet. 

The mucousal lining of the rectum is detached and prolapses on a regular basis.  It is a condition that is progressive in nature due to gravity and daily use.  It's an open wound that cannot heal, up inside my rectum, stung by fecal bacteria every single day.

I have to take Milk Of Magnesia and Citrucel every night before I go to bed, to manage this.  Milk Of Mag basically gives me multiple rounds of diarrhea every morning, which is much less painful to pass than something solid.  The Citrucel makes the diarrhea stick together somewhat to prevent diverticulitis (trapped poop debris).  I still get trapped debris every day, and I have to use a lubed, gloved finger to go up and try to remove it or it will get infected.  Sometimes I cant locate the debris but I know its there because I can feel something stuck up in the folds somewhere stinging and burning...

Obviously I have to watch what I eat, because certain things will make this even worse, like kale and sesame seeds and pub mustard, for example.  

This all started in January 2011, right after giving birth. I had corrective surgery in November 2011, but it failed.  Meaning they were not able to reattach the lining to the rectum.  If I were independently wealthy I would have another surgery, but I am on SSDI and Medicare, and Mainecare.  The state wont pay for another surgery because there is still a 50% failure rate at this time.  I've been instructed to just manage this the best I can until technological advances are made!  

And if I cant take the pain? They will remove my rectum and give me a colostomy bag! 

PLEASE, NOT THAT! I suppose I choose pain over that!

But I'm at my wit's end here! My ass is always killing me! Up inside my butt is on fire!  It feels like there is a long scrape on the right side of the inside of my rectum and it stings and throbs constantly.  The prolapsed blossom at the anus is bloody and swollen and sore and I have to sit on it.  Now imagine having poop in there and trying to get it out! It takes all day! And there's blood and pain and more blood and more pain! 

And the threat of a colostomy bag makes it so I dont even wanna complain about it!

I cant work! 
I cant even think straight half the time because of the pain.  
I can't venture too far from a bathroom either!

I had a band, I had gigs, I had a career, and a life.  BUT I DONT WANT A COLOSTOMY BAG FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO!

Anyway, all that being said, 

THIS IS WHY IM SUCH A SOCIALIST CUNT.

THIS IS WHY IM A FERVENT POLITICAL LEFT.

THIS IS WHY I HAVE NO PATIENCE OR RESPECT FOR CONSERVATIVE IDEAOLOGIES.  

AND MY DISABILITY MAY NOT BE AN EXCUSE TO BE A CUNT BUT IT IS THE REASON.