Advice For Stupid Debt Collectors, From A Pro

I was a debt collector at a prominent agency for many years.  I eventually became the Collections Manager, where I was responsible for 2 offices that were 3 hours away from each other.  I was in charge of everything from staffing and training to consoling angry customers who demanded to speak to a supervisor, but my main job was to make sure we collected X amount of money each month to meet our budget.  And if we exceeded that amount, we got a nice commission.

Most debt collectors are stupid, selfish, entry level peons who have no idea what they're doing or why, who get paid like 9 bucks an hour and generally have no idea how the world works.  That's no excuse for using bully tactics, but it is probably the reason for them.  

So here's some advice for you fucking morons:

1. There are only 3 types of debtors:
-those who don't answer or hang up on you
-those who answer and make a payment arrangement
-those who answer and pay you over the phone

And you have absolutely no control over these people, your words mean nothing.

2. Collections is just a numbers game.  Your success is determined by the law of averages, not by being a salesman.  You can ask them to pay, but do not waste time trying to refute every reason why they can't.

3. When you get a debtor on the phone, make your pitch, ask for payment in full over the phone.  If they won't, make a payment arrangement and then leave them the fuck alone.  Keep the call as short as possible.

4. The more people you call, the more likely you are to find that third type of debtor.  You cannot change type 2 into type 3, nobody can.  If you even try, you're harassing them and I hope they sue your pants off, you dumb cunt.  

You don't have to be a shitty person to do this shitty job.

"This is an attempt to collect a debt, any information obtained will be used for that purpose"

Fake It Til You Make It Doesn't Mean What You Think It Means

You seem to think it means "act confident", "just tell them what they wanna hear" or "pretend you understand".

It doesn't.

"Fake it til you make it" is not a show you put on for others, it is a deal you make with yourself.

This is how you do it:

1. Figure out why you hate yourself (hint: you already know).  Identify the thing about yourself that you want to change (my body, my life, my temper, etc)

2. Figure out how you can make peace with it, either by developing a new attitude about it or changing your daily habits, and make a plan ON PAPER that you will look at and follow and practice every single day
(diet/exercise, new job, behavioral therapy, etc)

3. Fake it til you make it.  Which means force yourself to not do what you always do.  Force yourself to follow your new plan, go through the motions of your new habit, even though you don't feel like it in the moment, and keep forcing yourself until the new habit is your go-to habit.

It's "faking" that you really want to be doing this "new habit action" when you really don't.  But you really do... You just have to find a way trick yourself while you practice your new habit, which should only take 21 days to develop if you're consistent....

Correlation Between Interest And Investment (Of The Heart)

I have no patience for bullshit and I'd just as soon cut to the chase.  Keep it simple, I say, get to the point, quit prefacing and just blurt it out already.  But not always.  God forbid people are honest when they're trying to hook up!

But no, you have to play games.

If a guy shows interest in you, you are allowed to reciprocate that interest.  But if you show signs of investment, he will lose interest.

It seems counter-intuitive (and counter productive) to a robotic nerd like me but I swear it's true.  So remember the rule:

Less Investment = More Interest
More Investment = Less Interest