I don't talk about this because I'm embarrassed, I guess... but if I avoid the problem then I'm not solving the problem. Actually I've just been living with it for almost 10 years now. It's like I just accepted it like "ok I guess this is me now" but in any other country they would have just fixed me... am I such a brainwashed American that I just do what my country tells me to, instead of fighting for my health? and a normal life?
Physically recovering from anal surgery is 10 months where you're basically in bed on morphine, on a liquid diet. The state of Maine was nice enough to give me $500 a month TANF to live on while I applied for disability, I crammed 3 roommates in with me to make ends meet, and to help take care of things while I was recovering. And my surgery actually failed, so I'm not even really recovered. Medicare/Medicaid refuse to fund another surgery because the failure rate is still at 50%. So I didn't get my life back. But I did get disability which is $1300 a month so I was relieved to get it.
I just feel a little useless I guess. I'm not normal, I'm high maintenance. I want to be helpful but I'm limited. Is this really me now?
In retrospect, I should have been outraged instead of defeated, and I should have exploited my situation for the greater good. I should have told my story and started a movement for M4A using myself as an example... If I were a Brit or Canadian I would be fixed by now and back to work. So, in a way, isn't that more American?
Many people have said I should start a go fund me/kick start or whatever the fuck but I am just too embarrassed to ask for money for anal surgery. I suppose I should research surgeons, maybe it wouldn't hurt to find out how much I would need to raise... UGH! I CAN'T
I just need to get rich and famous with my music I guess.
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