Advice For Stupid Debt Collectors, From A Pro

I was a debt collector at a prominent agency for many years.  I eventually became the Collections Manager, where I was responsible for 2 offices that were 3 hours away from each other.  I was in charge of everything from staffing and training to consoling angry customers who demanded to speak to a supervisor, but my main job was to make sure we collected X amount of money each month to meet our budget.  And if we exceeded that amount, we got a nice commission.

Most debt collectors are stupid, selfish, entry level peons who have no idea what they're doing or why, who get paid like 9 bucks an hour and generally have no idea how the world works.  That's no excuse for using bully tactics, but it is probably the reason for them.  

So here's some advice for you fucking morons:

1. There are only 3 types of debtors:
-those who don't answer or hang up on you
-those who answer and make a payment arrangement
-those who answer and pay you over the phone

And you have absolutely no control over these people, your words mean nothing.

2. Collections is just a numbers game.  Your success is determined by the law of averages, not by being a salesman.  You can ask them to pay, but do not waste time trying to refute every reason why they can't.

3. When you get a debtor on the phone, make your pitch, ask for payment in full over the phone.  If they won't, make a payment arrangement and then leave them the fuck alone.  Keep the call as short as possible.

4. The more people you call, the more likely you are to find that third type of debtor.  You cannot change type 2 into type 3, nobody can.  If you even try, you're harassing them and I hope they sue your pants off, you dumb cunt.  

You don't have to be a shitty person to do this shitty job.

"This is an attempt to collect a debt, any information obtained will be used for that purpose"